Transcript
BILLIE
Wow!
ALFIE
It’s huge, isn’t it!
BILLIE
This isn’t like our house at all!
ALFIE
It’s like Aladdin’s cave!
SFX: Dinner party buzz.
SFX: Footsteps approach.
FOOTMAN
(IMPERIOUSLY) And you are?
ALFIE
Alfie. Alfie Smith. And this is my sister Billie. And this is our new friend.
FOOTMAN
(ANNOUNCING) Master Alfie Smith and Miss Billie Smith. And their new friend.
ALFIE
Um…we’re just here to visit…
FOOTMAN
Hush, child. The Prince is coming.
SFX: More footsteps approach.
GEORGE
Excellent! I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure. Do come in.
BILLIE
We were just looking around, your royal highness.
ALFIE
We weren’t going to touch anything, your royal excellenceness!
GEORGE
Please, call me Prinny. All my friends do.
ALFIE
OK, Prinny, your royal English thundership.
GEORGE
(LAUGHING) No, just Prinny. It’s a marvellous room, don’t you think! I’m awfully pleased with it! My designer, Robert Jones, is a terribly clever man, don’t you think?. Have you seen the dragon?
ALFIE
Which one?
GEORGE
(HAPPILY) There are a lot of dragons, aren’t there? The one right up there. Above the main chandelier.
BILLIE
It’s holding the chandelier in its claws.
GEORGE
It does, doesn’t it? It’s awfully heavy. A tonne or so I’m told. And have you seen the banana leaves above it?
BILLIE
They almost look real!
GEORGE
Ha ha! Fooled you! It’s because some of them are sculptures and some of them are painted on.
ALFIE
Wow!
GEORGE
Rather splendid for 1817, isn’t it?! It’s like the dragons. Sometimes even I can’t tell if they’re paintings or carvings. Why don’t you have a look round, and try and work out which ones are which.
ALFIE
Wicked!
GEORGE
And I bet you don’t know the difference between a Chinese dragon and a European dragon?
ALFIE
Chinese dragons breathe fire?
GEORGE
Ha ha. No! Chinese dragons don’t have wings. They look more like snakes. But they’re a sign of good luck, which is rather appropriate, don’t you think?
BILLIE
Why is that appropriate?
GEORGE
Because I’m a Prince! How lucky is that! And one day I’ll be king! King George the Fourth, in fact. (ASIDE, TROUBLED) Well once my father gets off the throne.
ALFIE
And when will that be?
GEORGE
Not soon enough! He’s not really up to being King any more, which is why I have his power, and why they call me the Prince Regent. It’s Latin, you know. It means the Ruling Prince. But it’s still not King, is it!
ALFIE
No.
GEORGE
Exactly. Now, guess how many people I’m having to dinner!
ALFIE
100?
BILLIE
40?
GEORGE
Close. I think 16 is a good number. I like to be in the middle of things, so I always sit in the middle, not stuck up at one end. Of course, we go boy-girl-boy-girl these days. Not like most places, where it’s ladies on one side, gentlemen on the other. That’s so dull.
BILLIE
You haven’t got much cutlery.
GEORGE
Well reminded! I must get someone to re-lay the table. It’s set for dessert. And don’t worry, young lady. I’ve got plenty of cutlery. I’m a prince! But I bet you can’t guess what those gold bowls are for!
ALFIE
Ice-cream?
GEORGE
No.
BILLIE
Fruit peel?
GEORGE
No, they’re for cooling your glass! Eating a hundred dishes is thirsty work!
ALFIE
A hundred?!
GEORGE
That’s for my special banquets, when I’m entertaining royalty. Don’t worry, they don’t have to eat everything. Just what they want. When it’s just normal aristocrats it’s nothing like that many courses. Maybe 30 for a simple supper.
ALFIE
Thirty?!
GEORGE
I know, it’s not much, is it? You’re not hungry now, are you? If you run along into the kitchen, I’m sure chef can find you something to nibble on until the rest of the guests arrive.
ALFIE
Thank you, your grandificence!
BILLIE
Your highness.
ALFIE
Your highness.
GEORGE
Call me Prinny, I insist. Toot toot.
SFX: Footsteps recede.
ALFIE
Come on, let’s go into the next room.