Transcript
BILLIE
Oh, look, we’re back in the banqueting room.
ALFIE
As long as that horrible footman doesn’t send me up any chimneys.
FOOTMAN
(CLEARS HIS VOICE)
ALFIE
Yikes!
FOOTMAN
There you are. I need you to go up the chimney over there. And I want you to clean the chandelier. It shouldn’t take more than two weeks.
BILLIE
Two weeks!
FOOTMAN
You have to take down all of the individual lustres..
BILLIE
What are lustres?
FOOTMAN
They’re the pieces of glass. 15,000 of them.
BILLIE
Wow! It must have cost a fortune.
FOOTMAN
Five thousand, six hundred and thirteen pounds and nine shillings.
BILLIE
Wow!
FOOTMAN
It costs the same as paying two hundred charwomen for a whole year! So you better get started straight away.
SFX: Footsteps
GEORGE
Ah, there you are!
FOOTMAN
Your royal highness!
BILLIE
Your royal highness!
ALFIE
Your most excellenceness!
GEORGE
I’ve told you, call me Prinny. You know, as in Prince! Though once I inherit the throne from my father King George the Third, you’ll have to call me something else.
ALFIE
How about Kingy?
GEORGE
(UNCONVINCED) Yes, well, plenty of time to work something out. More’s the pity. Now, I’ve got a question for you: You see the tall blue lamps here.
ALFIE
Like the ones on the other side of the room.
GEORGE
They’re called torcheres. But what’s the difference between the ones on this side, and the ones over there?
ALFIE
Ummm…
GEORGE
Well?
BILLIE
The ones over here have fish sculptures around the base, and over there, they’re dragons.
GEORGE
Well done! Now, look at the painting over on the far wall, in the middle. Guess who the lady is?
BILLIE
Is she a Chinese empress?
GEORGE
(LAUGHING) Fooled you again! No, people say it’s my very good friend, Lady Conyngham.
BILLIE
And is it?
GEORGE
Well that would be telling, wouldn’t it?
ALFIE
And all the gold on the sculptures. Is it really gold? Or is it just gold paint?
GEORGE
(SHOCKED) I’m going to be the King of England one day. Of course it’s real! Especially as we spend so long in here.
BILLIE
How long?
GEORGE
Well, dinner lasts about three hours…
ALFIE
Three hours?!
GEORGE
There are a lot of courses!
ALFIE
Bore-ring!
GEORGE
I sometimes have my musicians play during dinner. And the conversation is always sparkling, of course.
ALFIE
(SARCASTICALLY) Of course.
GEORGE
Now, before you go into the next room, you probably want to check how you look. Especially you, young man. If you look up as you go through the doorway, you’ll see a mirror above the door. Because it’s very important you look your best at all times.
ALFIE
(GRUDGINGLY) Yes, your haughtiness.
GEORGE
It’s Prinny!